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The Ultimate Golf Poem
In my hand I hold a ball
White and dimpled & rather small
Oh, how bland it does appear
This harmless looking little sphere
By its size I could not guess
The awesome strength it does possess
But since I fell beneath its spell
I've wandered through the fires of hell
My life has not been quite the same
Since I chose to play this stupid game
It rules my mind for hours on end
And a fortune it has made me spend
It has made me scream and cry
I hate myself and want to die
It promises a thing called par
If I can hit it straight and far
To master such a tiny ball
Should not be very hard at all
But my desires the ball refuses
And does exactly as it chooses
It hooks and slices, dribbles, dies
And disappears before my eyes
Often it will take a whim
To hit a tree or take a swim
With miles of grass on which to land
It finds a tiny patch of sand
Then has me offering up my soul
If only it would find the hole
It's made me whimper like a pup
And swear that I will g ive it up
And sit and cry to ease my sorrow
But the ball knows I'll be back tomorrow!
*
Play "My Way" Background Music
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My Way
And now, the end is near,
And so
I face the final tap in.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll miss this putt, of that I'm certain.
I've played a round that's full
Of crappy shots, I've had a bad day,
But hey, that's how golf is,
I play it my way.
Three putts, I've had a few,
But then again, that's just the tension.
I swing too hard, then chicken out,
Don't follow through, with full extension.
I loathe this goddam course,
I drive OB, onto the highway,
But hey, that's how golf is,
I play it my way.
Yes, all the time, you knew I'd lose
I take less club than I oughta choose.
And when I'm bad, I lose my cool,
I get so mad, I'm such a fool.
I face it all and hit that ball
And play it my way.
I've hooked off every tee,
I shanked my irons, my putts are yipping.
And now, how can it be,
I find the shakes have reached my chipping.
To think I whiffed a drive,
Or near enough, but in a skied way,
Oh no, it's sad to see,
I play it my way.
For what is this golf, why do we try?
If not for fun, please tell me why.
We must be mad, that's how I feel,
I'm giving up the whole damn spiel.
The scorecard shows, one hundred blows -
I play it my way!
(from the Duffer's Songbook)
*
Three Stooges Sound File:
A Golf Place ... Look At The Golfs!
Three Stooges Sound File:
Shoot Golf ... Oh Hunting!
Caddy Shack Sound File
Kill Every Gopher
Caddy Shack Sound File:
This Crowd Has Gone Deadly Silent
Three Stooges Sound File:
What Did YOU Shoot Yesterday?
Three Stooges Sound File:
Shoot Golfs Without Guns?
Caddy Shack Sound File:
Be The Ball
Caddy Shack Sound File:
Einstein Gave Me This
Three Stooges Sound File:
What's The Matter With You?
Caddy Shack Sound File:
I'd Keep Playing
Caddy Shack Sound File:
Fore! ... Two!
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Some Rules Are Just
Meant To Be Broken!
Golf Haiku's
White dimpled face hides
Shadows dance on forest floor
Foot wedge to fairway
Undulating green
Morning dew glistens on blades
Three putt quadruple
Safe lay up to edge
Pond surface reflects like glass
Cart plunge makes ripples
Hot dry summer thirst
Silhouette on horizon
Hard nips and cold beer
by DaBlade
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Advice From Above
A keen but unskilled golfer plays the
same course every week, and has particular trouble with the water trap on the 14th hole, losing a ball in it every time he
plays that hole. One round he decides that this process is too expensive and decides to use an old cut-up ball instead of
a good ball. He opens his bag and gets the old ball, tees it up and addresses it. Just as he commences his back-swing a mighty
voice comes from on high:
"USE THE NEW BALL..."
Figuring any advice from such a source
should be worth following he picks up the old ball and tees up the new one again. He starts his back-swing but once again
is interrupted by a voice from the sky:
"TAKE A PRACTICE SWING..."
The man steps away from the ball and rehearses
his swing. Just as he steps forward to readdress the ball, the voice speaks again:
"USE THE OLD BALL."
*
Normal Golf Website Links
www.pga.com
www.thegolfchannel.com
www.sportsline.com/golf
www.golfcoursesguide.org/
www.worldgolf.com
www.golfing.com
www.golfweek.com
(more to come)
Important Discovery
Unusual "Not To Scale" Driving
Range
Discovered in
Northern Nebraska
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